i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
