hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
