That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Blood and glitter go together right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
