im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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