i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
