Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
