worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
