i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
