my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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