Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
