I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
