Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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