I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
