May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
