So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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