you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
