The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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