no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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