Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just google imaged poop.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
