FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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