Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
