I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
