I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
