apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
