smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
