Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
