It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
