just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
