awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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