Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
