I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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