Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
