everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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