i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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