My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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