using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
