I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
