ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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