I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize