I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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