i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
