He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
