He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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