So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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