As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
