Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
