Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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