So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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