I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
