I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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