i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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