What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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