I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
