you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I smell like Dick and happiness
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize