what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
