so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I party with great urgency now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
