My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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