How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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