Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
