I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
