there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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