omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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