I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You need a sexual gate keeper
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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