Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
