yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There are leaves in my underwear?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
